Sarah's Cancer: Nate's Thoughts

There as been a lot on my mind the past two days (you think?).  I wanted to take a step back and record some of my thoughts, or at least some of the things that I have thought about.

I am reminded about a post that my mother made during my sisters ordeal.  She talked about she dropped 90% of what was happening in her life and it didn't matter.  When I heard the news, I was in a meeting at work focused on Amazon Linux AMI and working toward the next release of it.  My first priority was making it to Utah.  Looking back, I can see how the experiences of my life, the examples of my father and mother, and my belief in our eternal family shaped what my priorities were.  I am surprised at the out pouring of support from the members of my team at work.  I knew I worked with amazing people, but my respect and love for them has grown.  I am grateful for those who are helping, and who have offered help.  Family, friends, co-workers, friends of friends and family, people who I don't know, have all reached out to help in this time of need.  It reaffirms my belief that all people are inherently good and want to help those in need.  I wish there was more that I needed help with as I know the joy that is gained from serving someone in need.

I have been reminded that the Lord works in our lives always.  We have seen miracles from an appointment opening up right away at Dr. Glade's to the airlines switching my flight without any hassle (and that it wasn't full) to many of the small ones that we aren't aware of.  I have been given a sense of peace and calm.  I know that the Lord is watching out for Sarah as well as for us.  While I have had a myriad of emotions, I haven't felt desperation or a deep sadness.  I only can attribute that to the faith that I have in the Lord.  I know that he has a plan for me and my family.  Whatever comes of this trial, the Lord has a reason for it.  I know that I will grow in leaning on him as I know that things are not in my control.

I also had a discussion with my father yesterday evening about how the Lord prepares us for such events.  Having gone through Shannon's (my sister) TBI, I have become more open the miracles that the Lord gives us each day.  I have also gained greater hope for what will come.  As my father and I talked, the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came up.  They were facing the fiery furnace and there response was "I know the Lord will save us, but if not we will still believe".  How often to we approach trails in our lives and say, I will only believe the Lord's hand is in it if he does what I think is best.  The Lord knows what we need in our lives and sometimes it is not the miraculous healing or what we think is best in our life.  But if we have faith the Lord will help us to grow.  It reminded me of the decision that Jess and I made when moving to Washington.  Amazon was the last on our list of possibilities for work while I was interviewing. Looking at the different options that I had, Amazon wasn't the best financial choice or the best choice to be close to family.  But the Lord knew that we would grow and he needed us in Seattle.  We had faith and went with where the Lord wanted us, and we have been richly blessed.

Thank you again for all the love and support.