Friday, August 5, 2011

Sarah's Cancer: Day 4 - with a thought or two

Today has been a rough day for Sarah.  She hasn't wanted to eat and she has hit some of the mood swings that are side effects of some of the drugs.  I spent the morning at my parents playing with Lilly and taking care of Gus.  Jess and I are swapping time at the hospital and at home.  We know that not only is it a trying time for us, but also for Lilly and Gus as Jess and I are giving Sarah much more attention.

Sarah hasn't been herself today as well.  She has been somewhat distant.  Jess said that it is like right before Sarah gets sick.  This is probably the case, because around 8pm tonight she was running a fever or 37.9 C (~102).  This is especially bad while her white blood cells are low.  They paged the resident on-call.  They temperature stayed for 30-45 minutes before starting to drop.  The resident ordered up a second antibiotic to help cover the possibility of a different type of infection.  There are also going to hook up the pulse-ox monitor for the night to watch her heartbeat.  She has been sleeping good and hopefully will sleep through the night.

I have a few thoughts I wanted to put down as well.  We have looked back and thought about a number of things that happened with Sarah before she was diagnosed.  She has always had a hard time about kicking sicknesses, especially her ear infections.  The thought has come, "Well, did she have leukemia all along?"  The answer is maybe.  I don't know.  I have never been contented with leaving a question by just looking at it from one angle, so I ask myself  a few more questions "What would have happened if it was diagnosed sooner?" and "Would it matter if she did or didn't have leukemia before?".  I am going to answer the latter questions first, or at least how I look at it.  I don't think it would matter if she had it before.  While it might have caused some times in Sarah's life to be easier, she is only 3.  She still is our Sarah and the leukemia won't change that.  We saw some major changes when she got tubes in her ears, and knew that the tubes helped her, so that wouldn't have changed.  The first question about timing is a little harder for me to dissect and get some good answers.  However, I know that the Lord has a time for everything to occur.  If we weren't in Utah, could we have dropped everything and both Jess and I be at the hospital for the first 24 hours?  Probably, but we would have been more worried.  We have a number of friends in Seattle that would have helped, but we wouldn't have had the family support.  It is summer time, which means we all have a little more free time.  Lilly is not yet in school, so we don't have to deal with that yet.  Looking back, there isn't a better or a worse time.  So for me, it doesn't really matter that it wasn't caught earlier.  It isn't affecting the outcome.  We still have to go through 3 years or treatment.  One of the drugs has become easier to take over the last year or so (IV instead of 3 shots in the muscles), so maybe there is benefits to having it diagnosed now.  I think though when it comes down to it, I know that the Lord has a time for everything and now is the time for us to have this trial.

Thanks again for the support and the prayers.  Remember, that if you would like to come and visit us in the hospital, give us a call first.  Both of us have our cells phones on and they get good coverage in her room.

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